Emotions, Anger and Mindfulness

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Even today we raise our hand against our brother… We have perfected our weapons, our conscience has fallen asleep, and we have sharpened our ideas to justify ourselves as if it were normal we continue to sow destruction, pain, death. Violence and war lead only to death.

~Pope Francis~

Based on my experience and reading, it seems clear that everyone has a breaking point when  they feel forced to act in ways not typical of them. Perhaps some people turn to violence as a way to be taken seriously for once. Some commit suicide when they feel their life challenges are more than they can bear.

The result can also be a lashing out toward other individuals or society in general if you see others as responsible for your predicament. If you could understand the workings of others’ minds, much of the violence in the world might not seem quite so senseless. Violence often makes sense to people feeling overwhelmed by life burdens. Most people tend to react emotionally to such situations without giving their response much thought.

If you could step back from your emotions, you might see more constructive possibilities and be able to choose one of them. Once you are overwhelmed, it might be too late to step back. You could make a practice of learning to take a break from your daily routine even when you are not under pressure. Then you will have a better idea how to handle stressful life events when they arise.

But what can you do about that pressured feeling? Perhaps the best place to start is to realize that technology has resulted in amazing inventions allowing you to contact others around the world in a matter of seconds. Yet the overload of immediate communication has resulted in separating people rather than bringing them closer together. Here is what General Omar Bradley had to say, “The world has achieved brilliance without conscience. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know more about war than we do about peace, more about killing than we know about living.”

In the process of becoming immediately connected, we seem to have forgotten the purpose of communication. It is to help us understand each other and learn to work together to find harmonious ways for us to exist together. Instead, we use our channels of communication to persuade others to think as we do. We use them for entertainment, validating ourselves and for advertising.

Although our technology to some extent helps us understand each other, we need to do much more to appreciate each other in our search for meaningful lives. People who tend toward violence may have goals not much different from our own. Yet they might have had their dreams crushed along the way. They no longer see any path toward a fulfilling life and look for a way to express their frustration.

Violence is seen as aggressive behavior with the intent to cause physical or psychological harm. Hostile aggression also fits our definition of violence for the purposes of this book. It is performed in anger for the purpose of harming another person. By constant exposure to it, we have come to be more accustomed to violence in our society, regardless of the presence or absence of a relationship between perpetrator and victim.

Mindfulness is a way you can come to understand yourself and your inner workings. It involves reflecting on your thoughts and emotions rather than acting on them impulsively. It is a form of meditation and involves making your body and mind still.

You do this by being in a place of serenity free of distractions. You pay attention to your inner state as well as the sounds, sights and smells around you while making no judgments about anything in your awareness. This is a practice where you can exist in just this moment without any concern for the past or future. You can practice mindfulness in order to take your mind and your body down a more constructive path than it might have otherwise taken. Rather than letting your emotions direct your whole day, you could step back from them and put them in context. We will look at this in greater detail later.

Do you usually react with immediate anger when something upsets your routine and then let it consume you for the rest of the day? Do you look for someone to blame for everything that happens to you, when you might be at least partially responsible? Do you let your mood take over your decisions and actions rather than trying to look at situations more rationally? Are you always on alert to find someone at fault? These are a few things to explore in a calmer mood once you find one, but it takes practice to set this mood.

Excerpt from my new book From Violence to Peace.

Why Violence?

Violence, even well intentioned, always rebounds upon oneself.
~Lao Tzu~

Violence is seldom random although it is often described that way in the news. There is usually a reason, although a violent person might not have much understanding of the reason. Wikipedia suggests a few possible reasons for violence:

  • To express anger or hostility–Many people show their anger by hitting someone or something or at least wanting to do so. Your first reaction might be to show how you feel by striking out which does not usually change anything for the better. It shows people you are angry, although it also shows how little control you have of yourself. If you often act violently to show your anger, you probably have no goal in mind other than to express your rage. It is a purely emotional reaction which shows others you are upset but does not convey why you are upset or what you would like to have different about the situation associated with your anger.
  • To assert dominance–Violence can be a way of trying to take charge of a situation or of another person or group by force. It is a way to show others that you are more powerful than they are and that they can’t push you around.
  • To intimidate or threaten–This is similar to the attempt to dominate others. Here you want others to fear you, and you act in a way to bring this about. If you are successful, others may be less likely to do whatever they did to make you angry next time. This is an emotional response and often does not have any specific goal or circumstances in mind other than to scare others into acting as you want them to.
  • To achieve a goalYou may turn to violence when more reasonable methods do not get you what you want. You might not be adept at less aggressive ways of getting others’ attention. Yet, once you turn to violence, people are usually less likely to pay attention to what you want and concentrate on avoiding interaction with you.
  • To express possession–This is a way of dramatizing your control of property. It can also be a way to show others they are threatening your control of your possessions and you want to warn them to stay back. When they don’t back off, you might escalate your violence to make your point.
  • A response to fear–Protecting yourself in the face of danger is a basic animal instinct commonly seen in humans as well as other species. We saw earlier that violence is an attempt to cause others pain. While others’ pain might be a side effect of your attempt to protect yourself, deliberately wanting to hurt someone goes beyond the need for self-protection.
  • A reaction to pain–This is similar to your response to fear. Violence is an extreme reaction to managing pain. Aggression might well be necessary when someone is causing you pain, but again, wanting them to suffer goes beyond basic protection of your needs and rights.
  • To compete with others–This is a similar motivation to intimidation or threat. Violence is a way to lessen the competition for what you want. Deliberately going beyond fair competition, violence puts you squarely in the role of the bully.

These are possible motivations for violence. Regardless of your reasons, violence is never a good choice, hurting you as well as the person toward whom you direct your anger.
Action Steps

  • If tend to be violent, do any of these motivations apply to you?
  • If so, what are your alternatives?
  • Has someone been violent toward you?
  • What was that person’s motivation?
  • Look for the reason and try to discuss it.

(Excerpt from Dr. Langen’s new book From Violence to Peace)

Stress, Violence, Anger and Peace

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Joe: Good afternoon Calliope.

Calliope: Good afternoon Joe. Congratulations on the release of your new book, From Violence to Peace.

Joe: Thanks. It has been a long time coming. I started working on it about a year and a half ago.

Calliope: What prompted you to write it?

Joe: The world including our country was becoming gradually more violent back then. The pace has only quickened since then.

Calliope: What’s the book about?

Joe: As you might guess, it’s about violence. I wondered about why people were so violent, how they got that way, what it means to be peaceful rather than violent and how we get there. The book is about all these questions. It’s about the process of moving from a world of violence to one of peace starting with yourself.

Calliope: Sounds timely. So now what?

Joe: I have been working on a companion book to Release Your Stress and Reclaim Your Life and From Violence to Peace. It is called Transform Your Anger and Find Peace.

Calliope: Can’t wait to see it.

Joe: You won’t have to wait long. It will be released soon. Talk with you later.

 

Book Release- From Violence to Peace

I just released my new book, From Violence to Peace, on Amazon. Here is some information about it:

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Why is there so much violence in the world and what you can do about it?

 Violent incidents appear in the news on a daily basis. Different kinds of violence surround us in our communities and throughout the world. It has likely touched you or someone you know in one way or another. It’s easy to fret about violence or become angry at those you see as responsible for it. Can you do more than look on as the world unravels? Yes you can. This book will help you understand violence, see where it comes from and what you can do to reduce it. Here is what you will discover:

  • The many faces of violence–Find out what violence is and explore theories which explain it. See how violence fits in with human emotions. Put violence in perspective.
  • How we got to this point–Learn about the process of becoming angry. Consider a short history of human violence. See the various kinds of violence. See how violence can arise within you. See why people resort to violence. Learn how your family, community and government can encourage violence.
  • How religion fits in–Consider religion across the ages, some of the main religious traditions and how violence and terrorism relate to religion.
  • How you can find peace–Learn how you can find peace within yourself. Find out how to have more peaceful relationships with others. Explore how you can find peace with God and the Universe.
  • A closer look at the worst problems– Consider the problems of domestic violence, sexual violence, school violence, criminal justice contributions, terrorism, random violence and contributions of the media.
  • Some tools to use in doing your part–consider earth’s needs, what legacy you will leave your children, and the various levels on which you can contribute to the process of peace.

None of these challenges are easy to engage in. But playing your part is not just for your benefit.  Everyone you know or care about has a stake in the conflict between violence and peace. So does the future of your children and of Earth. Would you like to know more about the path which lies ahead?

Go to the Amazon page for From Violence to Peace. Click on “Look Inside” to read the first part of the book (free) and start your journey.