My Stress Is All On The Page

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Sunset in Englewood

Sunset in Englewood

Joe: Good afternoon, Calliope.

Calliope: Good afternoon Joe. I assume you have been hard at work on your book.

Joe: You are correct. First I have a new working title for it, Rest Your Stress and Reclaim Your Life. I have completed the manuscript and have received feedback from several trusted readers I have used for past books.

Calliope: Great. Now What?

Joe: I am exploring publication options. I found a couple agents who have represented books somewhat similar to mine. I will start by contacting them to see if they might be interested. I know agents are very busy and they have hundreds if not thousands of books to choose from. I don’t envy them their job. I have also come to appreciate the complexities of their work in the present publishing world.

Calliope: Good luck. Can you tell me a little more about the book?

Joe: Here is how I describe it in my query letter, “While many books on stress offer partial treatments or quick fixes, Rest Your Stress and Reclaim Your Life provides a more comprehensive approach.” Then I go on to detail the contents of the book.

Calliope: Sounds like you are on the right track.

Joe: I hope so. I would love to find an agent and get on with publishing it.  Talk with you later.

On to Publishing

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A New Day

A New Day

Joe: Good evening Calliope.

Calliope: Good evening Joe. I haven’t heard from you lately. I assume you have been hard at work.

Joe: It is summer, you know. I have been enjoying it but still moving along with my book on stress, tentatively titled “Give Your Stress a Rest and Live Your Life to the Fullest.

Calliope: Where are you in the process?

Joe: The manuscript is finished and i have a few people reading it for me. I am trying to decide between a go at traditional publishing this time instead of self publishing.

Calliope: Tell me more.

Joe: I am currently exploring the possibility of an agent. I understand that the best way to get one is by referral. Unfortunately I don’t know any agents or people who can refer me to one. I would appreciate any help I can get along this line. 

Calliope: Maybe one of your readers has an idea.

Joe: That would be nice. I’m all ears.In the meantime I am sorting through possibilities through AgentSearch and exploring possible contacts through LinkedIn.

Calliope: Good luck with the search.

Joe Thanks, I will need it.


The Mysteries of Everyday Life

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Good afternoon, Calliope. I thought you might like to see my latest Sliding Otter Post.  


Martha's Vineyard Beach Sculpture

Martha’s Vineyard Beach Sculpture

I’d rather be a dysfunctional soul than a well adjusted robot.

~Thomas Moore~

It seems these days that we want to understand, explain and find a use for everything we encounter. If we get stuck, we can find an answer on Google or some other search engine. Often we become so involved in the practical that we completely miss most of the little delights along our life path. This seems especially true of things which have no easy explanation.

At the end of the day, many people add up what they have accomplished since they got out of bed. I wonder how many people count the little delights which have passed their way during the day. If you become too busy with the practical, you will most likely miss the fanciful.

So what? The question is what your life is for. What is its meaning? If you just count what you accomplish in a day, you have a list at the end of the day and start a new one the next day. But there is more to life if you allow it into your awareness. I am talking about the little mysteries which present themselves along the way.

Here are a few which might have caught your attention at least for a moment. How do two incomplete cells become a human being or any other life form? How does our solar system stay in balance century after century? How does a single atom stay in balance for that matter? How does you mind interpret what your senses encounter? What does it mean to fall in love with someone?

You could most likely find scientific explanations for all these mysteries and consider the problem solved. What if you don’t seek practical answers right away or even at all? What if you instead ponder the mystery and coexist with it? You move to a different plane of existence beyond the practical. Art and music have meaning for you beyond what you can express in words.

A newspaper critic can tell you how well music was performed technically. But a critic can’t tell you whether or how music touches your soul. The same is true of any other form of art. Your experience is beyond the technical aspects and is unique to you. Philosophers are in agreement that you can’t argue about taste. No on else’s is quite like yours. Did you ever try to explain your artistic taste to someone else? Not so easy, is it? The same can be said of your experience of nature, the world, other people and especially the unique aspects of you as a person. It is a different way to exist but you might want to try it at least for a while.

Life Lab Lessons

  • Turn off the rational part of you and stop thinking for a while.
  • Let yourself notice little things around you with out trying to make sense of them.
  • Sit comfortably with your feelings without analyzing them.
  • Spend a little time delighting in something you never noticed before.
  • See if this make the rest of your life a little more fun.

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Less Stress with My Stress Book

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Sailing at Sunset

Sailing at Sunset

Joe: Good afternoon, Calliope.

Calliope: Good afternoon Joe. What’s happening with your book?

Joe. Glad you asked. I finished an initial reading of my draft and found a few topics missing. I then went back and added them.

Calliope. Good. What else?

Joe: I developed a list of further readings for the end of the book. I added a Foreword and Table of Contents with links to and from each chapter. I also lined up five trusted readers.

Calliope: Sounds you are about done.

Joe: It does. I decided to read the book through from the beginning one last time before sending it out to my readers. I am almost half way through that. Then it will be ready, to the extent it can be without some input.

Calliope: How are you with criticism?

Joe: I have learned to handle it well and appreciate it. My significant other has been reading my columns for fourteen years and I have had readers for each of my previous books. Onward! 

Around the Post and Into the Stretch

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Incan Road- Cozumel

Incan Road- Cozumel

Joe: Good evening Calliope.

Calliope: And a good evening to you, Joe. I thought you might have taken an extended vacation.

Joe: Not quite. I have been very busy socially with people coming to town and with small trips here and there. 

Calliope: How is the writing coming?

Joe: I finished a review of my first draft, attending to grammar and flow of ideas. I discovered a few stress related topics I overlooked in planning the book. They include organization as a way to minimize stress, physical and psychological stigma, the enchantment of everyday life (per Thomas Moore and the dream of the earth after Thomas Berry, my old mentor. Maybe I will include that story in the book.

Calliope: How do you feel about your progress?

Joe: Very good. I felt the book was a little choppy, but once I read it through I found it holds together quite well.

Calliope: What’s next?

Joe: After I add the sections I just mentioned, I have several readers lined up for their input. Then I will decide how to approach publication. But one step at a time.

Calliope: Well said. Good luck with the stretch. 

Sweating the Small Stuff and Its Consequences

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Joe: Good morning Calliope.

Calliope: Hi Joe. Whats new?

Joe: I am still working on my stress book. Here is my latest newsletter which I have also incorporated into my book.

Sweating the Small Stuff and its Consequences


Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.

~Leo Buscaglia~

First the big stuff. At its extreme, worry takes the form of a psychological disorder called obsessive-compulsive disorder. You get overcome by worrying about what you did and what you are about to do. You keep doing the same things over and over hoping to get it right this time. Being consumed by this disorder leaves little time for anything else and leaves you constantly exhausted.

Fortunately most people do not worry to this extent. Small matters can look large at the moment but in the long run don’t matter very much at all. Fear comes close to paralyzing them in everything they think or do.

Where does this fear come from? For many people, it dates back to early childhood when they were given the impression that they were not competent to do much of anything. True, most of us are not born prodigies but gradually learn survival skills and go on to develop special talents. Encouragement along the way helps us take our first faltering steps. Have you watched a baby learn to walk? The first awkward attempts lead nowhere. But with encouragement and support, babies are off and running before you know it.

Some parents are critical of everything their children do. Children naturally want to please their parents. But if nothing they do is acceptable, they tend to start worrying about whether they are worthwhile or just give up.

Such children grow into adults with no confidence in themselves and can start second guessing everything they do. They are not likely to take too many chances. They don’t trust themselves and seldom try to develop new skills. They might also go to the other extreme and strive for perfection in everything they do. In case you haven’t noticed, perfection is an impossible goal to reach.

So what’s the alternative? Having given up on perfection, what’s left? You can do your best. Your best depends on your energy, health, mood and skills. All of these might well vary from day to day. You might not be satisfied with your best, but you can’t do any better at the moment. You have given it all you’ve got. Perhaps you can do better at another time. But that doesn’t matter. You did your best right now.

Accepting your best means being kind, gentle and understanding of yourself and of your best efforts. It doesn’t matter what others think about you. You know you did your best and that’s all there is to it. While you are at it, learn to accept others as doing the best they can under their current circumstances. This approach will save you the trouble of worrying or fretting about things over which you have no control.

Life Lab Lessons

  • Let go of perfection as a personal goal.
  • Let go of fretting about what you consider your shortcomings.
  • Recognize your abilities and accept them for what they are.
  • Always do your best and be satisfied with it.
  • Accept the best others can do.

Learning How to Stay in a Relationship

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Joe: Good morning Calliope. Just a quick visit to share with you my latest column/newsletter. Hope you like it.

Learning How to Stay in a Relationship

Sailing at Sunset

Sailing at Sunset

Love does not consist in gazing at each other,
but in looking outward together in the same direction.~Antoine de Saint-Exupery~

When I first worked with couples, I thought the key to a better relationship was good communication. As I continued my career, I realized that marriage and similar relationships were more complicated than that. I also learned that there is no easy solution to staying together. Half of all marriages last and half don’t, despite a commitment “til death do us part.” I have not encountered any reliable statistics on the comparative success rate of relationships outside of marriage.

Most people say they got together because they love each other. But what does that mean? Love can mean sexual or romantic feelings, finding someone who cares about you or whom you care about. Many potential partners look for someone to take care of them. They might also be in the market for someone to take care of. Yet it is very easy to fall into the trap of depending on someone who might not always be there or trying to control the other person to keep the relationship the way they want it.

What does it take to keep the commitment alive? In his book, Passionate Marriage, David Schnarch suggests that one of the most important tasks is for each spouse or partner to know himself or herself before entering into a commitment. If you don’t know what you want from life, how can you reasonably expect another person to share your life with you? What are you asking the other person to share?

Let’s assume that two people understand what they want from life, share their goals with each other and agree to support each other in attaining them. That’s a good start. But wait a minute. Think back to how your life was ten, twenty or thirty years ago and what was important to you back then. Have you changed? Most of us have and are quite different now than we were in the past. There is no way to absolutely predict what you will be like in the future or what your partner will be like.

Your chances of staying together improve greatly if you both enter your relationship with a sense of adventure. You are setting out on an unknown voyage. Life circumstances, finances and health might alter your voyage considerably. You or your partner might both learn new life destinations. You might learn new ways to approach life taking you in different directions than you agreed on when you began your relationship. It will take a great deal of flexibility from both of you to weather all the challenges and surprises life has in store for you. To be successful, you must be responsible for meeting your own goals and support your partner in reaching his or her goals.

Life Lab Lessons

  • Learn to know yourself and what is important to you.
  • Share your life goals with your partner and encourage your partner to share his or her life goals with you.
  • Don’t expect your partner to reach your goals for you or blame him or her when you don’t reach them on your own.
  • Find ways to support each other’s goals.
  • If you clash, look for ways to compromise.


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